It can be tough when your child starts to pull back from you. One minute they’re chatting non-stop about their day, the next they’re buried in a screen, barely saying a word. You ask how school was – “fine.” You ask what they’re watching – “nothing.” Conversations get shorter, moods more unpredictable, and suddenly it feels like you’re on the outside looking in.
This shift is normal. Pre-teens are beginning to carve out their own identity, and part of that means creating space from parents. They’re figuring out who they are and testing independence , which often looks like shutting you out.
That doesn’t mean they don’t need you. They do. But in a different way. They need calm, consistency, and low-pressure ways to connect. It might mean joining them in their world sometimes , watching what they watch, listening when they feel like talking, or just being around without pushing for conversation.
It’s not easy. You’re adjusting too – letting go of how things used to be and learning a new way to stay close. But these changes are a sign of growth, not failure. Keep showing up, even in small ways. They notice more than they let on.
Have you heard the theory that chatting in the car takes the pressure off and allows you and your child speak more candidly and connect? Arts & crafts can help you connect with your pre-teen in a similar way.
Arts and crafts offer a calm, pressure-free way to spend time with your pre-teen and gently strengthen your bond. Sitting side-by-side makes things feel more relaxed. There’s no need for intense conversation, but plenty of natural opportunities to talk. You can chat about simple, shared experiences: which colours to use, how tricky it is to fold something, or laugh together when the glue goes everywhere.
These small moments create space for real connection. Compliments come easily (“That looks great!”), and your pre-teen can join in when they’re ready—there’s no rush to talk. The shared focus takes the pressure off, helping conversations unfold at their own pace. It’s less about what you make and more about making time together.
I run ‘Make a scene’ workshop where pre teens and teens get to make a mini theatre set (I’m a speech and drama teacher) using old boxes, paper, paint, glue, wood, plastics, tin foil, modelling clay and…. glue guns, 3D pens and wood burner pen, its a great opportunity for students to work at a slower pace, problem solve, build resilience and make converstation. I particularly love the how freely the compliments start to flow. If you arn’t one of my students past or present and / or you dont live near Brighton, UK and you would would like to try making a mini set, give it a go.. try getting a 3D pen. The addition adds a little intrigue from the pre teens. If you would like the get the same one that I have just follow this link. https://amzn.to/4mmnBZt
If you are also looking for more ways to connect with your child this book https://amzn.to/45pXn2l was a game changer for me and the relationship I have with my children.